Have had the best day ever!
and it's unlikely to turn bad with A catch up with julia and co. and music quiz on the plans. :)
However since my flatmates all seem to caught up in their own lives I'm gonna use my blog to shout out to the world how great this day has been :D
Just.. The weather! And I'm really excited about the fieldtrip on wednesday. And I've got the group sorted for my SD presentation. And I had the best lecture ever in Art History. So bummed out not that I won't take it next semester. Just down my alley; French revolution political art. Loved every minute of it.. and then of course, after a day like that how could Management possibly destroy that day?
AHA! just JOY! :D yes this has no content really more then a big shout out: AWESOME DAY!!!!
Lykke Li - Hanging High
I love this song. I love the lyrics. I love her voice. I.. just love all about this.
Oh thunder in my heart
These razors cutting sharp
And leaves me with an ever bleeding scar
So soft, so suddenly
So that I can not breathe
I'm drawn into a circle painted black
Oh I'm hanging high
Oh won't you let me down
Back where I started at
You know I'm a little lost
And when it hurts the most
I'll push a little more
I'm back where I started at
You know I'm a little lost
Like lightning in my heart
A kiss so burning hot
I'm hanging on a thread that's bound to drop
Like rain on open skies
Don't know the reason why
But I'll always choose the black in front of white
Oh I'm hanging high
Oh won't you let me down
Back where I started at
You know I'm a little lost
And when it hurts the most
I'll push a little more
I'm back where I started at
You know I'm a little lost
These razors cutting sharp
And leaves me with an ever bleeding scar
So soft, so suddenly
So that I can not breathe
I'm drawn into a circle painted black
Oh I'm hanging high
Oh won't you let me down
Back where I started at
You know I'm a little lost
And when it hurts the most
I'll push a little more
I'm back where I started at
You know I'm a little lost
Like lightning in my heart
A kiss so burning hot
I'm hanging on a thread that's bound to drop
Like rain on open skies
Don't know the reason why
But I'll always choose the black in front of white
Oh I'm hanging high
Oh won't you let me down
Back where I started at
You know I'm a little lost
And when it hurts the most
I'll push a little more
I'm back where I started at
You know I'm a little lost
yea, I can't keep music of this page. Thank god for that.
new name for my blog: the spam page of complaints regarding life
well. THat might just be a bit too long of a name. But I get the feeling that is what the main content of my blog is gonna be. Sigh, no more light entrys about music and things I love.. just rant about uni and work and. and.. STUFF!
Had all of my first lectures today, and jeeez after the second lecture I got the feeling I'm developing an stomach ulcer.
LECTURES & TUTORIALS
5 Lectures in SD + 1 tutorial + 1 fieldtrip
3 Lectures in AH + 1 tutorial + 1 fieldtrip
4 Lectures in MN + 1 tutorial (which I apparently have to lead 1, possibly 2, tutorial)
ASSESSMENTS
SD: 1 assessment, 1 classtest, 1 online test, 1 essay, 1 group presentation
AH: 1 assessment, 1 visual analysis test, 1 essay, 1 presentation
MN: 2 classtests and thorough preperation for eash tutorial, lead 1(2) tutorial.
Basically I hate my life right now haha because all of the work of course.
trött
urk. well at least I know now my tummy can handle alcohol again
The swedish attack force has arrived.
Finally my swedish amigas made it over! haha (still no chloroform or axes, so everyone stay calm)
This does mean however, urk, planing. Which I tend to do as little as possible. But so far so good :) Started off with a quiet evening.. teaching them the visious rules surrounding the 1p coin at the table. Even gave them a glimps in to the wonderful world of the St Andrews union. However, night of the bob... might not be the best of night to just "chill" there. So we ended up at the rule instead. Which was more or less dead. But hey. It worked.
Honestly I'm quite happy with a quiet evening tonight... erhm since I'm apparently going to the lizard tomorrow. Oh dear lord. The things I do for my guests to show them the life in st andrews?!
I'll need boose. and lots of it. I swore never to step a foot in that place ever again... already crying on the inside for going. Will probably full out cry tomorrow haha
Also very thankful for the british breakfast we will be enjoying tomorrow and some shopping in Dundee (I only have my eyes for topshop as usual. Their shoes are calling me!!)
All in all. I reckon this is gonna be a pretty darn good weekend before uni starts for realz!
(even rocksoc has to be mentioned of course ;) I did manage a more or less sober rocksoc. 1 pint of cider and 1 bottle of beer... and 3-5 sips from a pint of beer during the entire night. And water and cola in between them all. Everyone that knows me understands that it takes far more to get me drunk. That will maybe.. maaaybe get me tipsy, but I was more running on an empty energy tank yesterday and just the adrenalin from everyone else so I probably came across more tipsy then I actually was. I can take that. At least I know I really did behave for being on a non alcoholic evening...)
But yea, tomorrow I'll be back in full action... sort of.
what happened last night?
I can say that last night started out great, but ended in Hospital visit. All I can say is that I'm so, so, SO thankfull to Katrina & Sophie who looked after me and took care of me. God Love you guys!! Must have been the scarriest experiensce in my life. I know I was drunk. I do have some insight haha And also I guess most of you reading this now thinks "oh silly drunk woman. Just couldn't handle her drink.. mystary solved" Yea, I'd probably think the same thing if I heared someone I knew had been drunk and ended up in a hospital. Especially since I did fall quite hard on the pavement previously (yea proper slammed the asfalt) BUT! That's not the entrie truth.
Drunk me got home with the help of Katrina. At home I just got a really bad feeling.. assuming that I just needed to erhm.. visit the toilet, I went to the bathroom and then it all just went to hell. My guess is that my body went into some sort of shock because I just collapsed on the bathroom floor and my entrie body begun cramping. badly. So bad that I genuily could breath.. so thank god Katrina and Sophie where there to help me. I must say that not being in control of your own body must be the worst feeling ever. Since the cramping didn't go away Katrina and Sophie drove me to the hospital where I got tested and given a muscle relaxer (and two other syringes in my bum)
All in all. I am now no longer allowed to drink anything for the rest of the week. And I'm really really ok with that.
The point that I want to get across are:
1) I owe Katrina and Sophie for being absolutely amazing.
2) I'm Ok now! Just feels like I've done a marathon. Muscles are soooore
3) I'm still going out tomorrow!!! rocksoc shall not get rid of me that easily.
-dear parents. No need to be worried. I'm looking after myself. :)
Matriculation completed
So now I can finally say with pride; hello second year!
However, of course, the advising turned out to be a bit of a pain.
in the end I was not able to take the extra 20 credits that I would have liked. My grades just weren't good enough and my pretty smile just didn't quite help.. (correction my male advisor thought it would be fine but older woman wasn't as consumed by my charm)
It ended up being a choice between my head and my heart. I love art history. I truely do, and the lecturers are amazing, the tutors and the entire department. But can I really build a career on it? probably not.. I don't intend to work in a museum or an art gallery. Management was never really a doubt about me having to continue. Sustainable Development however... it does go with managment. and it is very much an "in time" as well as future subject.
We even discussed the possibilty of changing modules and take a first year one instead but I am not interested. I'd choosen the subjects I wanted. Problem is I want to take them all and can't.
After a rather long debate, and involving a lot of other advisors.. Art History was droped for the second semester. Keeping Management and SD makes me able to chose between 2 different degree. Keeping more doors open. And if I really really REALLY want to take art history next semester it can still technically be fixed for next semester at pre-advising in january.
On a positive note however, this does mean I'll only be doing 2 subjects this spring = only 2 exams!
well.. this is a tat embarassing
don't know what the hell happened last night. So sorry to everyone who got a bitchy me without even being a part of the problem. Need to direct my anger in some better way... Just hit that massive fat wall last night without any pre-warnings. And I spent the entire night lying in my bed trying to figure out why I have begun having these really nasty mood swings. It's as if since last spring I've completely lost control over my own body and brain.
I am really at a crossroad and have decided that this will have to stop. So more effort put in to control my mood. Because honestly, I hate myself when I lose control. And I guess that's the start :)
At least I know the source of the problem. And it is definitly fixable! :D with some good old iron will ;)
this is gonna be a swedish one because I can't be f-ing arsed
Varför i HELVETE valde jag att bo med honom??! google translate for the one who's bored. Jag orkar verkligen inte längre.. kan inte uni börja än så jag slipper sitta i mina egna tankar och känna mig helt värdelös tit som tät. Ber om ursäkt för föräldrar som läser detta. Det är bara vanliga ungdoms.. "orkar inte med skiter mer" tankar. behöver bara få dom ur mig. Jag menar antagligen inte hälften och jag förstår denandra hälften nästan 80% men fortfarande... hur kul är det att sitta å lyssna på ett ex tala om hur snygga alla unga smala förmågor är.. spelar ingen roll vem man är, det är inte en top 5 syssla. Gjorde misstaget att nämna att det gör mig obekväm. Härligt. nu ett års ignorans i stället. VA I HELVETE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! orka. finns det något jag kan göra som är rätt? eller ska jag behöva ångra hela mitt första år på uni?
jag försöker alltid vara alla till lags. Jag försöker alltid vara snäll.... jag är less på att få skit för det rent ut sagt. Men jag är också less på allt dåligt samvete jag får när jag säger ifrån. Som om jag är överkänslig och paranoid.
Jävla hormoner och jävla killar som tar all ens energi och självkänsla.
wednesday morning
Spent a lovely morning in a super sunny and blue skied St Andrews talking to a friend. Having a delicious brunch at the "famous" northpoint.. the place that has the lovely sign in the window saying: "where Kate meet Wills! (for coffee)"
Just couldn't believe the weather! well unfortunatly this is St andrews and much like my fellow scandinavian homies are aware of: sunny and 20 degrees can turn into dark clouds, 14 degrees and wind in quite a short time span.
But I'm not complaining! ffs, I'm just glad I was actually awake before 9 for once and got to experience it! Also had the chance to watch the rugby game this morning! sake the things you get to experience when you wake up before the clock turns duble digits.
Now I just have to go to bed before 3am. aka not clean the kitchen for 1h when everyone else has gone to bed... or clean the livingroom. I should really clean my own room in that case. haha lets be honest it's a in a need of a hurry and I live with others that could help clean the rest of the house so...
Clearly I'm just being punished, badly.. sort off anyway
..At least I have Seasick steve to keep my lonely ass company.
But to the "being punished" part: I barely got any/no internet connection in my bedroom. Wich I wouldn't mid as it serves the purpose of creating a great study room... however. Not equaly good when (like I am right now) you end up sitting by yourself in the living room because your flatmates went to their rooms but you can't... and I don't really feel like watching a movie at this hour as I know I'll just fall asleep. which would be the point but so unnecessary when every movie I can think about's actually a movie I'd like to see.
I know complaining about the small things. But hey I used to have a perfect sleep schedule but then I got here and it's been totally turned around. feck.
What boredom will lead to: reading zodiac signs. And scarily enough.. it actually sounds quite accurate. I'm born on the date of the first day of the sagitarrious. Therefore I can, apparently, possess scorpio features. I am quite well aware how I am as a person (positive and negative).. and they are all there! As the Sagitarrious I am suppose to be very optimistic and happy person. Never thinking about myself (almost always ... lets say 90%) and constantly trying to please everyone and making sure all her friends are happy. That is enoyingly correct.
But a sagitarrious is apparently rather non emotional... ha! people who know me knows I'm anything BUT un emotional. I have a far to much emotion almost. Which I guess others might find annoying but trust me I hate it more then all of you combined. I hate not being able to control my tear glands or my temperament. Something I'm working on but yea, it's definitly there. Also just feeling emotionaly drained everytime something happens. Even if I don't show a lot of it... trust me, every little fight or worry combined with my cage of emotions. nightmare.
Anyhow! haha back to the zodiac thing. I really think this is accurate! which doesn't really prove much since I think most of the population will probably fit this description. But In my late night ramble I have decided that for ones not be so anti zodiacs and believe in them. Until I wake up tomorrow anyway.
Listening to The smiths and X-pensive winos
..whilst watching Scrubs. AND reading about 9 songs.
I don't want to come off as the perviest person in the world (and I got to try really, really hard trust me). But I really want to see it. And I'm very likely to, considering I've bought it.
straight from the source of knowledge, Wikipedia:
"According to The Guardian, 9 Songs was the most sexually explicit mainstream film to date, largely because it includes several scenes of real sex between the two lead actors. Margo Stilley's role is highly unusual in that she had unsimulated and very graphic sex with her co-star Kieran O'Brien, including genital fondling, masturbation with and without a vibrator, penetrative vaginal sex, cunnilingus and fellatio. During a scene in which Stilley masturbates his penis with her hand after performing fellatio on him, he became the only actor who has been shown ejaculating in a mainstream"
yea, I can totally see why people might not want to see it. And I can see shy a lot of people just lable it "porno" but I think it might be really good actually.
Anyway. besides that. Getting ready for football tonight. Scotland's playing so that should be a fun game to watch. And I should definitly be reciving good results about the Swedish game tonight. Seriosuly we're playing San Marino.. we CAN'T lose.
I usually find pleasure in football but the last couple of.. weeks? All I get is bad news about arsenal (yea another one of our top players out) and Sweden lost the last game so... hope and interest is fading quickly. I care more when it's actually going my way. As the woman I am. haha
I'm in a Glass cage of emotions!!!!
.. or you know something amongst those lines. I am a tat emotional lately. probably from a combination from lack of sleep since the first thing I was told when I moved in was that we have massive spiders in the house (chreers mates) and a bad diet. As in as little food as possible. I don't know what has happened (I have my ideas but still this isn't like me) I just am not.. hungry. OR correction I'm never in the mood of food anymore. Seriosly worrying me.
It's not good at all!! urk, and I've never ever experienced anything like this before. I just... can't eat. But before anyone get carried away here... I do still eat. forcefully. But in the hopes that my appetit shall ones more be restored to it's "that's right I'm a dumpster/a black hole... give me more!!!" glory.
my theory behind this is just shear stress. I'm constantly in my own mind. I'm constantly all over the place... God SAKE women get a grip of yourself! But I don't know why... just to much time on my hand I guess.
See now this ended up a bit more serious then I intended it to be. But I'm fine people! No worries. if anything this little emotional bump in the road will just make life easier afterwards. I'm gonna tackle them by the ancle today and try to get things sorted out before uni starts. Because even I know this is very, VERY unhealthy. And I'm becomming a ver VERY annoying person due to it. Which just isn't helping really.
