"dilatory rigmarole"
I have realised quite reasently how happy I am for being me. I used to hate every inch of my body as the insecure teen most of us have been at some point in our life.
I'm never gonna be a super skinny person, I've realised this.. (mainly because super cheesy natchos and chocolate are far too damn good to resist)
I have also slowly come to terms that I cannot be everyones best friends. Some people are best just not being involved in your life, not because they are bad people in anyway but simply becuase the two of you don't go together. No need to be rude to one another still. I hope you all know what I mean.
I have realised a long time ago that maybe I won't love everyone I meet, but it's gaining the insight that the same goes the other way around as well -people might just not like you- that is the difficult one to accept. As humans I feel like we are constantly on the search for peoples acceptance of us.
I find this really difficult. As a person who is used to please everyone in my surrounding, at times bending over backwards to become whoever they would like me to be.. and for what? just to gain their friendship?
no more.
recently (like yesterday) I decided to adapt the mindset that if a person won't like you for who you are they are simply not worthy of your time. I am a loving and caring person who would never hurt a fly and am forgiving as few, and I know I'll meet hundreds of people in my life that either won't see that side, or will take advantage of it. I need to step up now and take my space before I leave uni and get run over by people everywhere.
Why I realised this? simple. I've felt (lets be honest) a bit low at times. Filled with fatigue and unease. When do I feel like best? When I'm with the people who knows me, the people that I have come to terms with accepts me for who I am... the people that I just feel 110% myself around. The people that I feel listens to me as well. No masks, no pretend.
There are always gonna be people that suck out your energy, and I know that at times friends have down periods and need some of your energy and time. And that is fully ok!! But it is the people that never, ever, give you anything back in return that is the issue. True friendship is about giving and taking. Talking as well as listening. Without that--- then I don't know, I just don't think it's ever gonna be a proper honest friendship.
I need, like a lot of people out there, to realise my own worth and not the worth of what other people put on me.
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