headache, stomach pains and anxiety...
...must be Presentation day.
I usually am not that bad with presentations. And I am proud of what I have done, I hope I can deliver it clear and stuctured as I have during my mirror practises. It's just the fact that... I have done so much work for it! I really want to do amazing. And that we do open criticism after the presentation... sucks donkey balls. I know I look down, I know I look into my papers, I know I say a lot of "erhm"... I know. I try not to but I do. Don't need 8 strangers to tell me. meh.
oh feck. why am I stressing out. I've done the best I can preperation wise. I know my topic, I'll take questions then in necessary. I'm fucking awesome end off. (+.... it's the essay that will latter grade wise anyway)
beginning to feel better. Hahaha crazy person talk always does the trick.
bla
Life is too short to wake up with regrets.
Love the people who treat you right.
Forget about the ones who don’t.
Believe everything happens for a reason.
If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.
If it changes your life, let it.
Nobody said life would be easy.
They just promised it would be worth it.
urgh. Slightly panic-ing over my presentation tomorrow that is not quuuuite done yet.
And I have realised a major dislike over early mornings. a 9am tutorial - Bad, bad idea. This morning getting out of bed was close to impossible. So warm, sooooo comfy. And I just wanted to curl up into a wee ball and stay. But no. MEh out i the cold and the rain feeling as alive like the mice we found in our mice-traps.
it's days like these cheesy quotes are the best medicine. And a shower. Shower's are good as well + I've found the direct correlation between a clean and nice smelling odor and the amount of people avoiding you in classes.
Another Library night in store for ms Brogren
... Not that I'm complaining. Hard work tonight and tomorrow will allow me to take toorrow night off to help Sophie with her Charity collection. + That means I will be able to go out on Saturday and have the most amazing time at FS with all the cool cats.
Lots of fun in store this comming month: hence a lot of planing and hard work during the weeks. e.g. Rave Bop next week. Rocksoc will be rolling as usual and a trip home to Sweden during easter :) Which will be fun as Dave is coming along so I now have to plan something to do... besides going to either Denmark or Norway.
Putting on some Swedish radio and shall now dive into the topic of spiritualism in abstract art. SOunds a bit effy... appears to be a bit effy... but after reading a lot about the subject I can say I have a hole new appreciation for modern art. Slightly in love with Kandinsky and Mondrian at the moment. Which should be very helpful in writing this essay ;) And making it easy to do a presentation about it. Being passionate about your subject tends to help..
Piet Mondrian
Kandinsky - composition VII (1913)
Pancake day
happy pancake day everyone. I have been roaming the aisles of tesco in search for topping for todays pancakes. What I have in store for todays pancake frenzy:
Peaches
Strawberries
raspberries
bananas
blueberries
Chocolate spread
Raspberry jam
maple syrap
walnuts nuts
om nom nom
"dilatory rigmarole"
I have realised quite reasently how happy I am for being me. I used to hate every inch of my body as the insecure teen most of us have been at some point in our life.
I'm never gonna be a super skinny person, I've realised this.. (mainly because super cheesy natchos and chocolate are far too damn good to resist)
I have also slowly come to terms that I cannot be everyones best friends. Some people are best just not being involved in your life, not because they are bad people in anyway but simply becuase the two of you don't go together. No need to be rude to one another still. I hope you all know what I mean.
I have realised a long time ago that maybe I won't love everyone I meet, but it's gaining the insight that the same goes the other way around as well -people might just not like you- that is the difficult one to accept. As humans I feel like we are constantly on the search for peoples acceptance of us.
I find this really difficult. As a person who is used to please everyone in my surrounding, at times bending over backwards to become whoever they would like me to be.. and for what? just to gain their friendship?
no more.
recently (like yesterday) I decided to adapt the mindset that if a person won't like you for who you are they are simply not worthy of your time. I am a loving and caring person who would never hurt a fly and am forgiving as few, and I know I'll meet hundreds of people in my life that either won't see that side, or will take advantage of it. I need to step up now and take my space before I leave uni and get run over by people everywhere.
Why I realised this? simple. I've felt (lets be honest) a bit low at times. Filled with fatigue and unease. When do I feel like best? When I'm with the people who knows me, the people that I have come to terms with accepts me for who I am... the people that I just feel 110% myself around. The people that I feel listens to me as well. No masks, no pretend.
There are always gonna be people that suck out your energy, and I know that at times friends have down periods and need some of your energy and time. And that is fully ok!! But it is the people that never, ever, give you anything back in return that is the issue. True friendship is about giving and taking. Talking as well as listening. Without that--- then I don't know, I just don't think it's ever gonna be a proper honest friendship.
I need, like a lot of people out there, to realise my own worth and not the worth of what other people put on me.
things i need to learn.
I know it's simply sometimes just me being me, and I do know it is sometimes me being.. Well a woman nd reading to much into things. I even know that at times starting things... But then at the same time, am I awful to state this openly(?), I do hold grudge. Many people do. Try not to.. But at times I can't help it. People's look and tone of voice can remind me of shit things that has happened to me.
RockSoc
time to visit the atm, and then spend it all at RockSoc.... because it's rag week! charity is worth spending money on :)
not drinking... a lot. haha did have a night out yesterday, and I still can't really do 2 nights in a row. But that doesn't mean I have to miss out on a good night ;) Also; tied in black is one of my favourite themes. Finally get to rock a black tie in public, with my high (hiiiigh) heels, denim shorts and shirt. I just love it. fact.
My honest opinion about Valentine's Day
I'm quite split about it. Have always been... but not because of the fact that I've been single or not but mainly because my idea of Valentine's day never seem to match anyone elses...and well. Sorry, but I do prefer mine.
I didn't use to be bitter about it. I didn't really use to care about it at all.. for me it has been another day in the week however people keep putting expectiations on it. People keep reminding me of it
"oooh if you're single it's the most miserable day of the year because all couples are extra cute blablabla" - As a person who has celebrated plenty of Valetines single... not really. But if you keep reminding me about how miserable the day is then yeah! guess what, like magic I feel quite like shit and am gonna hate the day.
For me Valentine's day isn't about couples persey... it's about love in general. You know the classical idea of your friends and family. In Sweden we call it "All Hearts Day" and I think it's more applicable to my idea. Then yes, I do't mind then if couples have a night together (if you think about it I'm sure they do other times of the year and no one so much as thinks twice about it)
I know that a lot of people read this and think "what do you know, you're not single" WELL... I think after 20 single valentine's days I sort of have my idea thought out... and nothing has changed. I never envied the people that went out with their partner. I enjoyed a quiet night at home instead.
I do think Valentines is over commercialised and I do think it's just a day that puts unwanted pressure on people. So many of my friends male and female have told me that when a girl says "no thanks, lets not do presents" they are lying... erhm.. I'm not. I'd like to spend time together.. time is all I really would like, stuff? not the highest on my priority list. When did all that get mixed with expencive jewlery? all I know is that: I've been away from my Boyfriend for a few days, Valentines day or not I would have spent the night with him.
Nope. I am really divided about it. A part of me like that we have a day just for love, but a part of me hate that that love has been so damn specified.
As a Single you're not a part of the celebration group - but as a non-single it is not accepted for you to not want to be part of the celebration group (does it make sense?)
urk. oh Well... hopefully this put some clarity for people what I think about it... because I'm tired of explaning myself... and I do know I at times comes across abit all over the place, simply because I am.
Love to you all <3
"Töm ditt rum på tonårstankar nu, Du sa, - Gör ditt val, ta ett självständigt beslut”
I'm just so into Kent now. Absolutely love them, mainly because they manage to make swedish sound beautiful.
First week back at uni - and already procrastinating. Good job Sandra, good job. It's just so hard to get my motivation back! Last night ended up with a rather unplaned trip to Dunfermline with Dave to watch football. So much fun, f-ing freezing but fun nonetheless.. we swedes can handel our cold (+cookies and tea helps).
And the motivation is definitely not easily comming back when London is luring right around the corner!! :D will be leaving this bubble on friday night and be back tuesday morning.. which happens to be valentines day
I'm still in a bit of meh about that holiday- Think I've spamed people every valentines day about how I think it's just an over commercial holiday giving people headache and stress. And guess what.. not a lot has changed really, I still think it's commercial and just gives people a list of stuff they have to do and buy and...meh.
Haha maybe this is just because I'm a poor student. I just don't have money for it.
Oh well. Let's NOT go down that road. I could rant about it all day probably. Haha last year's Valentine was spent eating chinese take out and watching a movie with 2 friends.. and I was perfectly content about it ^^
So in a vauge attempt to change the subject. And procrastinate about something else... Half first week done and so far so good. Love my scheduale.. wednesdays off and only one class on fridays. Also managed to sign up for god tutorials (or as good as they can be) got one monday 9am and tuesday at 12. But i should be alright.
