I really hope it's the inside that counts.
I might just have to flee the country or something after the wordrobe malfunction I just rocked in public... at 9:30 on a saturday. It is a look I like to call the "hobo/trailer trash/escaped convict very lonely woman looking for spouse". A look I in St andrews called the "hey! look at me I'm on a dry spell" look. Both are very similar. the St andrews one does however include tucked in socks and a red fleece.
This morning I did however for the first time realize just how bad this "apperance" actually is. I was given some very dirty looks from a lot of people (not dirty as in "come home with me you foxy lady" but more as in "run! hide all the gold! and children!")
I took a good look at myself:
I was having a horrendous bad hair day. very much bed hair, and I'm fairly sure that I at one or two points had insects trapped in it. I was wearing my far to big shorts without the belt... thus displaying the grandma pants. I was also wearing one of those unfunny t-shirts with a funny text on, and no bra underneath. (wow... I wish it would stop there...). Also wellies and a winter jacket.... keeping in mind people that it is over 20 degrees out. and dry.
No. I have clearly either: a) given up on life b) decided I don't really live her thus do not care c) subconsiously decided I don't want a swedish boyfriend and is therefore trying to repell everything in my presence d)all of the above.
oh yea... I was also at the time holding a bad of poo (I was out walking the dog if I failed to mention that). mm hm, I'm just that kind of sexy lady.
top 5
I'm sad and slightly depressing. Mainly as I'm on my own is walking around doing t.rex impersinations. Oh dear. haha well, in an attempt to redeem myself I figure I could post my top five "artist and songs that, no matter what, moves me and that I will never get tired off" (sort of long title, but favourite songs/artist was too hard to narrow down to a top 5) that I did with no help from Clarence yesterday (sorry... U2 will never be on the list!!)
How I chose to descibe the songs that made the list: "It's songs that just grabs you by the balls toss you around and then trow you out through the window! U2 will never do that! they just sensually carass your balls.. not the same!"
Anyway! So many song I wanted to have on it. But finally I got it down:
1: Bob Dylan - Ain't me babe
2: David Bowie - Life on mars?
3: Rolling stones - you got the silver (especially week for keiths version)
4: Otis Redding - sitting on the dock of the bay
5: The contours - Do you love me
I'm quite pleased with it ;) so many song I wanted to have on it just made the list a copy of High fidelity lists so Aretha got saked from the list and replaced by otis. Don't really have a problem with that. Great music is great music!
Am I redeemed? not really. I went from dinosours impersinations for my dog (not my biggest fan) to pretentiousness.
excitement!! (and very appropriate song.. and no, not rebecca)
(is it wrong of me for, ones again, finding myself singing Rebecca Black - Friday?)
Back is packed! I am showered! And I ,at least to my knowledge, smell relativly nice. More or less I'm ready to leave this hamster wheel of mine for another one for 2 weeks.
I remember promising an appropriate song. THE POINTER SISTERS!!
sigh, I have issues.
That issue is: being a woman. a stereotypical woman even. oh feck.
I did buy those fabulous shoes. And yesterday I bough make-up.. I doubt I need but still.
and today I managed to find:
one white shirt (I'm thinking with my black tight skirt?? and the heels?? and red lips?? oh yes)
a summer dress (which won't be worn in public)
a bandeau kind of top...
AND!! to my joy! I found a pair of grey jeans! :D 400:- (or £40) they are fab! love cheap monday jeans. never been able to have a pair since my booty didn't allow it. but clearly the booty is gone (according to my mom I have no ass anymore so that solved that problem).
But seriosuly... no more shopping. honestly I'm glad I can't.. tomorrow I'll be home packing and chillaxing, and then I'm off to that.. other place. ;)
Women's world cup (in football fyi) has begun...
and I have made a note int the calander for every game with the swedish team.
28th (15:00) - Colombia
2nd (14:00) - North Korea
6th (20:45) - the US
just noticed 2 of the games are when I'm not actually able to watch them. Damn. the 2nd I'm taking the train to Inverurie. And the 6th I'm flying to Belfast... bugger.
Oh well. Hopefully they will win and play in the quarterfinals the 9th or 10th.
the magic of number 7.
7 seems to be the magical number at midsummer.
In my midsummer crown I have 7 different kinds of flowers
Too dream about the man I'll marry I'm suppose to jump over 7 roundpole fences, 7 meadows and pick 7 kinds of flowers and place them under my pillow. Fortunatly last time I did this I dreamt about zombies and woke up with a fun allergy... So I'm just gonna assume I'll be a single gal until me and my cats perish.
7 is also the number of hairs I've plucked from my mothers mustache this morning.
Midsummer is ALWAYS the best day of the year! I still remember midsummer in Berlin a couple of sumemrs ago (mainly because of the drunk bartender and Åke shouting "it's a penis!! we dance around a giant dick!!" bless him haha). Or two summers ago when we were at Julia's summer house? or last year when we had a big celebration with a ,(most likely) slightly high, music teacher and we sat around singing and playing the guitarr all night?
Fun fact time!
The form of the midsummer pole (maypole/giant dick as Åka called it) is said to come from pre-christian times, and was a phallic fertility symbol, meant to impregnate the earth. Now this has never been proven. But by the shape of the pole... and the fact that we're in sweden.. I'm accepting this as a legit explination.
In my midsummer crown I have 7 different kinds of flowers
Too dream about the man I'll marry I'm suppose to jump over 7 roundpole fences, 7 meadows and pick 7 kinds of flowers and place them under my pillow. Fortunatly last time I did this I dreamt about zombies and woke up with a fun allergy... So I'm just gonna assume I'll be a single gal until me and my cats perish.
7 is also the number of hairs I've plucked from my mothers mustache this morning.
Midsummer is ALWAYS the best day of the year! I still remember midsummer in Berlin a couple of sumemrs ago (mainly because of the drunk bartender and Åke shouting "it's a penis!! we dance around a giant dick!!" bless him haha). Or two summers ago when we were at Julia's summer house? or last year when we had a big celebration with a ,(most likely) slightly high, music teacher and we sat around singing and playing the guitarr all night?
Fun fact time!
The form of the midsummer pole (maypole/giant dick as Åka called it) is said to come from pre-christian times, and was a phallic fertility symbol, meant to impregnate the earth. Now this has never been proven. But by the shape of the pole... and the fact that we're in sweden.. I'm accepting this as a legit explination.
aaargh!!! I got a new baby!!!
It's a shoe!! sobs* 5,3 inches... in beautiful beige suede. awwww.... soo pretty! and damn they make my legs look haawt!
I know: to wear them I need a tall boyfriend.. but peeps, oh no! you got it all wrong. With shoes like these you don't need a boy.
I have issues. I'm short of money, especially since I yesterday paid my flight ticket to belfast. and today I'm buyingthe ticket to london and to gothenburg... BUT STILL I find it possible to justify a £100 purchase of shoes (of course it's justifiable!)
I hate neighbours (hate is a strong like, I don't know them really... but.. damn)
This is NOT ok. I'm so looking forward to next year when I won't have to deal with any neighbours or walls next to anyone else. I'm so fed up. DRA was ok, But here at home....sigh. I wake up 8 every morning by my indolent neighbours (the one above me btw.) who for some reason haven't quite mastered the technique of TURNING OF THE ALARM! for 1h, every morning that thing goes off every 8th min. This has been going on every night, even on weekends and vacations for over 2 years.
I think that's borderline to ridiculous
summer in sweeeden!
Glorious sweden! I've missed this... even though i still feel kind of, erhm, out of place at times. I still say cheers and sorry instead of the usual tack and ursäkta. I'm damaged from almost 8 months in scotland I fear. But slowly getting more climatized (if that's even a word/if that's how you spell it)
that not so pleasant bubbly feeling
Wow. I'm really not good at dealing with stress and I'm not good at dealing with emotions. I'm not good at taking care of myself at all.
I worry to much about everyone around me. Haha I do. I want every single one of all my friends to be happy. Unfortunatly this mean I do put myself in second place. I need to find a balance between carrying about you all and still make sure I'm feeling happy about myself. Because right now confidence is a tat low....
I tend to collect everything and just keep it inside of me until something happens that just release it all and I become one over emotional bastard. And by the look of things I'm in one of those periods now. I'm just crying all the time. Everyday. Wake up in tears. And the worst part of it.. I don't know why half of the times. And most of the other times it is over thing I know doesn't matter and things I know I normaly wouldn't react this strongly over.
I always found this interesting in a very odd way. haha I must be freaking all my neighbours out by constantly walking around sobbing XD But as I said, I really can't control it.
I'm pretty much having emotional diarrhea right now. It comes when I least expect it and when it comes there is no stopping it.
But just like when you are having... erhm digesting problems(?) I just want to get it all out of my system. I want to reach that point when I'm completely drained of all emotions and can go back to constant happiness! and to go back and feeling better about life, my confidence back on top. :)
It is strange, But I do hope I find a better way to deal with this in the future. But right now it feels really tough, so peeps hang in there. It will pass. And I try to not let it get overhand.
aarrgh, in an attempt to solve it I'm walking around with a notepad writing things down... erhm don't know if it's working for me. But worth a shot I guess :)
I worry to much about everyone around me. Haha I do. I want every single one of all my friends to be happy. Unfortunatly this mean I do put myself in second place. I need to find a balance between carrying about you all and still make sure I'm feeling happy about myself. Because right now confidence is a tat low....
I tend to collect everything and just keep it inside of me until something happens that just release it all and I become one over emotional bastard. And by the look of things I'm in one of those periods now. I'm just crying all the time. Everyday. Wake up in tears. And the worst part of it.. I don't know why half of the times. And most of the other times it is over thing I know doesn't matter and things I know I normaly wouldn't react this strongly over.
I always found this interesting in a very odd way. haha I must be freaking all my neighbours out by constantly walking around sobbing XD But as I said, I really can't control it.
I'm pretty much having emotional diarrhea right now. It comes when I least expect it and when it comes there is no stopping it.
But just like when you are having... erhm digesting problems(?) I just want to get it all out of my system. I want to reach that point when I'm completely drained of all emotions and can go back to constant happiness! and to go back and feeling better about life, my confidence back on top. :)
It is strange, But I do hope I find a better way to deal with this in the future. But right now it feels really tough, so peeps hang in there. It will pass. And I try to not let it get overhand.
aarrgh, in an attempt to solve it I'm walking around with a notepad writing things down... erhm don't know if it's working for me. But worth a shot I guess :)
procrastination skills and otis redding
the question mark is there because at this give point in time, I generally have no freaking clue what day it is... and I can't be arsed clicking that little time thingy on the bottom left of my screen. But I'm fairly sure I had my first test yesterday. And that would then have been on a monday... hm nevermind I'm to tired to actually even really care.
But yes, yesterday was a very productive day to say the least (with the least I literally mean the least), I did have my exam which didn't give tremendous hopes but I think I did enough to pass. And the rest of the afternoon was spent trying to figure out how to send attachments in Emails. I have concluded I repel technology. I am what would be called a technological challanged person. It took me 7 emails (one which I even managed to send to myself? what ever good that now did) to send the references to our future landlord. Oh dear.
And then I have learned that I can't even procrastinate properly through computer games. Yes people, angry birds have now become a measurement of how little revision is done. However, for me this isn't quite accurate. I have been on the same level for 3 days. And it wasn't until yesterday I learned tht the little birds (who I found completely pointless) actually could mass produce in mid-air. And today I learned that weirdo triangle birds can go faster.... I should learn to read the instructions.. but, nah that would take time from my procrastination..
No, I'm so good at procratination that I can't even do that productivly.
at least I know how youtube works. that's the best procrastination anyway...
favourite song.
I have shit tones of song that I love. I do. I know I do. But if I'd to pick only one as the absolute favourite I have always come down to the same song "It ain't me babe" by no one else then Bob Dylan.
To just illustrate how much I love this song, I have already decided that I'll name one of my kids (or dogs/cats if childen is never gonna be on my agenda) aafter him. I love it. I love the turtles cover of it too, but there is just something special with Bob Dylan's version... It hits me everytime, and I listen to it at least once a day.
I just regognize myself in it a lot.. stangely enough. I actually don't know if I could ever be all those things to anyone. I'd love to say I would... but it just isn't me. plus I have a handicap in romance, at least in the commersial sense. I don't understand the idea of Valentines day and I don't understand the point of giving each other presents..
Go ’way from my window
Leave at your own chosen speed
I’m not the one you want, babe
I’m not the one you need
You say you’re lookin’ for someone
Never weak but always strong
To protect you an’ defend you
Whether you are right or wrong
Someone to open each and every door
But it ain’t me, babe
No, no, no, it ain’t me, babe
It ain’t me you’re lookin’ for, babe
Go lightly from the ledge, babe
Go lightly on the ground
I’m not the one you want, babe
I will only let you down
You say you’re lookin’ for someone
Who will promise never to part
Someone to close his eyes for you
Someone to close his heart
Someone who will die for you an’ more
But it ain’t me, babe
No, no, no, it ain’t me, babe
It ain’t me you’re lookin’ for, babe
Go melt back into the night, babe
Everything inside is made of stone
There’s nothing in here moving
An’ anyway I’m not alone
You say you’re lookin' for someone
Who’ll pick you up each time you fall
To gather flowers constantly
An’ to come each time you call
A lover for your life an’ nothing more
But it ain’t me, babe
No, no, no, it ain’t me, babe
It ain’t me you’re lookin’ for, babe
Regina Spektor - No surprises
I know I'm a hopeless case when it comes to even listen to radiohead, It's a principle I don't like them, but this is so good!! I love it!! a nice compromise I reckon :)
It's weird! I have had the worst diet the last couple of days and yet I feel so full of energy!
Hope this remains for the last weeks of this semester!
I'm so fed up with the hideous yellow carpet in the library....
well. I'm so tired that I'm just gonna sleep tonight and watch a Bill murray movie, that's my exciting uni life. This is gonna be rather pointless really. no funny stories or joyful sayings. or joy in general. I have lived in the library the past week it feels like. känner mig mest trött och tom. So ready for these weeks to end! And the thought that Exams are just around the corner isn't exactly the biggest motivator.
Nah It's just been one of those weeks. I'm fed up with the fact that the work load just keeps on growing. I've done 2 essays in a week. And still I have shit tones to do for the Case study (no offence, management really fecked us over with that one...) And then I have my last test in Art History which is 30% of my total grade. And I'm not super good at British architecture -It begins to all look the same.
Sorry about that, haha It wasn't suppose to be a downer ;)
But heeey, no long face here! I have one positive thing, I have finally gotten my CDs that I ordered :) And that is a big, big plus!! :D
haha the new music helps the long Library hours go by faster.
I'm coming to sweden! People, get overexcited!
yup, so the rumers are all true! I'm gonna be swedish property from friday to saturday. FUN! designated driver on saturday (clearly there is nothing worse then a sober family reunion right?) and friday is gonna be spent indoor infron of my computer doing my essay. aaah and THEN I'll meet my beloved friends efore heading back to the land of the Scot.
Should be back in the bubble by 6 monday... so not a lot of work will be done then.
Oh and btw. parents of this delightful and charming child/girl/woman can be informed that she is very pleased with her new additions of tattoos and that they infact inhance her not-so-classical swedish beauty (let's be honest, I'm no victoria Silverstedt am I)
OH, and that it's not on my face, it's on my head. ;) just a comforting thought
Love you all! can't wait to rudly enter all of your personal spaces
almost forgot!
Should be back in the bubble by 6 monday... so not a lot of work will be done then.
Oh and btw. parents of this delightful and charming child/girl/woman can be informed that she is very pleased with her new additions of tattoos and that they infact inhance her not-so-classical swedish beauty (let's be honest, I'm no victoria Silverstedt am I)
OH, and that it's not on my face, it's on my head. ;) just a comforting thought
Love you all! can't wait to rudly enter all of your personal spaces
almost forgot!
nothing kills your munchies more then a fridge smelling of death and a hint of cheese
Home in St Andrews again, all coiled up under my duvet watching a episode of Skavlan with lykke li and cat stevens (and the lead singer of A-ha)... very cosy!! ;-)
Have stuffed myself with a tesco sandwitch and it was disgusting! oh how I've missed the feeling of your stomach turning in-side out after a tesco salmon sandwitch.. ahaa did I mention it's good to be back? :P
Portugal.
ok. random short entry. it is warm... the "it's winter time" thing everyone keeps telling us.... I'm not falling for that anymore! lobster red pretty much from my tippy toes to boob hight.. but for some reason shoulders and face is alrigt. A bit of a win I'd say ;)
Planing stuff to keep us entertained for the 10 days remaning: Gibraltar, sevillha, Lisbon... so many choices! And not to forget this seems to be the creepers paradise, strip clubes, bars and exotic "gift" shopping. Lovely right? haha But also the pride disco!? what's there not to like? :D
any how, you guys have fun at home- all of them- Saw the weather forecast... hehehe sounds like wednesday's gonna be a blast ;)
Love and Mass fornication!! Te och tuttar!
Planing stuff to keep us entertained for the 10 days remaning: Gibraltar, sevillha, Lisbon... so many choices! And not to forget this seems to be the creepers paradise, strip clubes, bars and exotic "gift" shopping. Lovely right? haha But also the pride disco!? what's there not to like? :D
any how, you guys have fun at home- all of them- Saw the weather forecast... hehehe sounds like wednesday's gonna be a blast ;)
Love and Mass fornication!! Te och tuttar!
hitting the retro vibe with the babyfingers and jackson 5.
Beginning to feel a hell of a lot better. But last night was HELL!!! I don't get it... I was exhausted! I considered taking a break in the stairs becasue I couldn't make it up to the 4th floor.. I didn't have the energy to get undressed nor remove my make-up. YET STILL (!!) I couldn't actually fall asleep. 3rd night in a row now. I sleept in 15 min intervals until 7:30... after that I just lay awake listening to my heartbeat going bonkers... this has turned into one nasty man-flu. You know when you're tired, can't sleep and it feels like you're having a panic attack just becasue you can't sleep?
... or maybe this is just me.
But anyway! tonight there is birthday celebrations and a SOUL BOP!!! so excited!! I've only been to a bop before but this is with motown classics... just up my element :D
So I'm gonna head into boots and buy haircolour, and something else... hmm should I try lemsip? I've now heard more then one person tell me it's good for this type of flu... hmm maaaybe.
naaaw my babyfingers!!!
Eric Clapton etc.
So far I've spent most of the day running between lectures, tutorials and the laundry room. BUT I've also managed to "clean" my room a bit due to procrastination and chilled out to amazing music such as; Eric Clapton, Bruce Springsteen, status Quo, Ben E. King, Nate King Cole etc. So day well spent so far I'd say!
the day off!
Since this is the day of the week when I can do what bloody hell I want, I wanted to go to tesco. The eco on my shelf in the refridgerator scared me... So now I have bought all the ingredients to make pancakes! Hells to the yeah! I'll make them on friday because I only have one lecture (which happens to be 9 in the morning... jeeeez thanks for that!).
Besides that I once again have the essential bread, cheese, juice and milk -skimmed ofc. Oh the joy of being a student.
and BTW- I heard the lovely tunes of Kings of Leon by accident on my way home. And I have to say; I like this song. It's good!
