A night in Edinburgh
It is really such a beautiful city. At the moment sitting in an attic trying to start revision.. going great of course. Am now completely up to date with Made in Chelsea (I need a set of friends who like this show... soooo much to talk about! Spencer, caggi, hugo... aha!)
oh yea anyway. What we can conclude is that my revision is going as good as always: non existing. Damn. NO! I've made a promise to myself to at least go through 2 lectures tonight.. and I will stay up as long as it will require. Don't really have an early morning anyways tomorrow.. just need to move my firm-ish bum a bit further north.
the "oh so cliché"-new years eve resumé. (and resolutions for the coming year)
and I'm not intending to hold back on the cheese. And how could I? This year feels like a bad American chickflick with the slow but good start the sort of anti-climax in the middle the great friends that pulled you though tough times and then ending on an absolute high :D! haha But nontheless I am forever greatful for it :D Many great lessons has been learned this year. And I'm not gonna mention names since people most of the time tend to know who they are... but I have this year come closer to some really awesome and utterly amazing people that makes me laugh and feel .. well, great! not to forget I have also come closer to a lot of people I knew before but have proven to be priceless friends that I hope to give back what they've done to me one day. :)
I've been to Portugal with some crazy as girls, I've been (finally) to Ireland -more specifically Northen Ireland- meeting some lovely and amazing people and fallen in love with the place ever so slightly.
I've even been to Aberdeen!! ;)
I've started collecting Records (finally as well). After considering it for years from admiering my dad's collection. Mayhaps I started because of some bad influence but I don't really care :P
My music repetoire has expanded. and I've discovered I am most likely, like the greater porportion of the Swedish population; a hipster.
I've discovered my love for Art History -leading to a sliiight change in my degree.
nope. This year has been filled with it all: love, laughter, heartbreak and sadness. But the most important thing I feel is how I feel right now, In this moment! and what I bring with me into the next year (the year I'll turn 22 and becomes really f-ing old). Just Love and Complete Happiness. I feel like everything is simply right in my life right now :)
For me this is what New Years is all about. It's about leaving all the bad behind. Taking with you all the good and joy and fond memories and leaping into the next chapter.
Because in the end... all that "bad" stuff that happened doesn't really matter anymore after the clock strikes midnight tomorrow, it will all be in the past. All that will remain is some vauge memories and the growth in me as a person. I don't really like to cling onto things of the past... so all will be forgiven full heartedly (honestly I most likely already have... but just to clearify for all) :) <3
I have never really been a person to hide my feelings about people. If I say you are my friend you are in my eyes and will most likely always be. If I say I like you I do with all that I am. It is not in my nature to "waste" time with people I don't like... simply because I can spend all that time with people who's company I enjoy.
This is ever so slightly digressing from the Resumé I intended. But it is what I take with me the most. My friends. My family... even my disfunctional uni family... you all mean the world to me and this year would have been nothing without any of you.
SO! these as my new years eve resolution:
I will spend more time listening to my friends and family.
I will also try to focus more on uni work.
I will become the best pole-fitness.. erhm person I could possibly be!
I shall NOT get pregnant (an old classic but it appears to be something I'm quite good at keeping)
I will (that's right I will.. not attempt but will) win at least ONE STUPID FIFA GAME!!
I will(!) get enough money to at least go abroad. If now abroad has to be Denmark.
....and for the love of a god I don't really believe in but I like the powerful sound of it, I shall definitely NOT get pregnant.
one of many great songs discovered. It's in my top 100 list.. the one that will never be made since I'm too busy pretending to do others.
christmas part 1 done
(Yes I know there's a miss in the dates.. Even by swedish standards.. But this is just how we roll)
Christmas with mother done :) so nice! The smörgåsbord was there, the allergic reaction from my part was there, the snaps (read akvavit shot) was there, the beer was drunken.. The probably inappropriate jokes were there as well. Basically a lovely gathering of the Brogren's! And I still have half of it to go on monday with my padre!! :D
Gifts were amazing ofc. (Though there was a lack of socks..)
The Black Keys - El Camino
A morning robe (yes I can now join the senior citizens for real!)
A cutlery set (I am after all a grown up.. Thus grown up gifts are a necessity. Socks however was not included..)
And money. Hard cash. Always appreciated. Gone to the -travel the world- savings account (and buy socks account)
Good start to the holidays! But now it's officially the 24th! So : God Jul!
I honestly doubt it can ever get better then this
I'm on such a high right now! :D Not only is it christmas ridicolously soon. Nor do I feel ike the pieces in my massive jigsaw puzzle called life are falling into place, nor the fact that I'm right now 110% certain that the people I surround myself with are the coolest, and bestest people one could come across.
but: Meeting the home kids today, meeting dad tomorrow, (christmas) then an all day shopping/drink session with cissi, then going to the cinima to see Girl with the dragon tattoo with the finest Julia and Amanda. Then new years and then back to St andrews! :)
AND I AM SEEING THE BLACK KEYS IN LONDON THE 11TH OCH FEBUARY!!!!! WITH THE COOLEST KIDS ON DA BLOCK!!!!!!! SOOOOOOOO EXCITED SOSOSOSO EXCITED!!!!!!
Conclusion: Life is too damn good right now. period.
0 inspiration, 0 motivation.. but 100% relaxation
... slept for 12h. SO GOOOOD. argh needed that so badly.
Yesterday I was more or less a train wreck. Haha the change from Scotland and Sweden.. meh, this is just some reasons why:
1) Almost had a heart attack in the store when they wanted £15 for a leave in conditioner (ddn't buy it obviously)
2) almost got hit by 3 cars, and everytime I stop by a zebra crossing I had to genuily wait for a car to drive by just to know where they'd come from.
3) Language is a failure. I think in English still.. so if I watch an english tv show or listen to english music I get confused.
4).. there are no sweet old ladies.
5) just got off the phone with orange.. and when I wished happy holidays he went "oh, bless you, you too".... bet your arse that won't happen when I get off the phone with the Swedish SAAS.
sitting with my last essay and cold coffee in the library....
... and it sucks because I know most people are already home. mrf.
But I'm comming along.. slowly.. It's due on tuesday. So technically I can finish it when I'm home in a cold and depressing Sweden on friday night. But lets try to avoid that shall we ;)
Though I have to say! DAMN I've been effective today! :D Cleaned my entire room + bathroom, did dishes and a wee part of the kitchen counter.. followed by the living room. I'm exhausted to the max. But it could have been a lot worse, I could still have course work to do... oh wait.
MEh I shall soon get kicked in the arse and stop my selfpity. Mainly because the library closes in 1h and I'd like to have done 1000 words by then. But not. Yet.
nostalgia, my dear old friend.. i've missed you
Sitting for the last time this year in Costa,, with my green tea and art history books as company. This semester has gone far too fast! I cannot believe all that has happened.. Both good and bad (because let's be honest those two are always gonna counterbalance.. Hopefully)
Just one more presentation. Then make an essay on the feedback. And that's it! Only leisure is sweden and exams left of this semester.
Getting into the Christmas spirit.. well sort off anyway
For someone who doesn't really celebrate christmas more then to the extent that I like the food and having a chilled evening spending time with the family it can be called geting into the right spirit. And this year I'm not even gonna celebrate it on christmas -neither eve nor day. But that desn't really matter... as I said. I like what we do on christmas (minus all the gift panic) not the actual : lets celebrate the birth of jesus.
WELL, back to the beginning. Today I've sort off gotten into the spirit. I'm freezing cold (good start). and I've been attempting to bake. Fingers crossed it wil turn out edible. considering it's too cold to make the yeast function properly and that I only had whole wheat flour.
I've been listening to 2 christmas songs... on repreat. mainly due to the 80's fashion or pretty boys in the videos but it still counts (huh, just realized that I haven't listened to wham!?!?).
Waiting to get those firm and nice buns into the oven (please, feel free to imply every sexual connotation you can possibly think of). Then I got to cook my dinner so I eat early before Pole. :)
Yea... today's a great day. Also (with right to brag) I managed to get a 19 on my SD presentation... and everyone who isn't aware of it: 20 is max.
Good, good mood :)
todays thought.
I know you should never display any off your personal stories on fb or any other public media. But this is something that has now happened to me and I think it is important to bring it up.
Why do people insist on getting involved in other peoples lifes? People I barely know are now interacting in mine.. and honestly, no one really has any idea of what is going on inside my head. No one ever knows 110% what's going on in anyone's head.
damage is done ,and even though I'm not ok with it... it doesn't really matter now what I think.
I can't.... do this anymore!
Urk, When did I go from being the girl who could have a crazy night out on town and still wake up in the morning and go to classes to. to this being I am now! An old whimpy lady who is shaking from her hang-over.. I just want to sleep. And right now -never drink again.
meh. That's all I can say... meh. I'm gonna sit in the dark living room. drinking water and listen to kent. As one does.
Birthdays are all about growing up
Consider this an open letter.
I do feel a massive change on the way. It is just so damn unfortunate I needed to be told that my -beyond- selfish behaviour has hurt my some of my closest friends before I realized what I've been doing. But they are 110% right. I've been a stressed mess. Stess made me paranoid and anxious. I've the past couple of.. months had trouble sleeping and I've had trouble eating. I've been fully self consumed. and even if I have tried, I have not in reality actually cared about anyone. Well, I've cared.. but I haven't showed it.
I've been thinking about it a lot. And on some strage level I did know what I was doing, I just was to damn stubborn to admit it, and if you admit something it becomes real. Nothing's more scary.
But damage is done. I wish I could go back and give myself a proper bitch slap, but I can't. I wish I could just magically make all good again, but I know that's not possible. I have a lot of making up to do, and I intend to do it. So for my birthday I give a promise to all of you, I'll work on it.
stop. Hammertime!
only the main feature is left! RAISIN! mohaha
After rocking out to cheesy tunes at an 80's night, Celebrating birthday parties and todays adventure in Glasgow we shall go out with a bang, 3 parties in 24h maybe even more.
But hopefully I'll be alive enough to tell you all about that on monday... erhm or after a few days. Have to take into account recovery time.
But today was so much fun! Just wondering around 2 museums in Glasgow for my Visual Analysis Essay (basically an analysis on a selected piece of artwork, between 1000-2000 words). Sitting and looking and writing and analysing a painting for 45min... I like it.
And after I had my takeaway when I got home I typed up my notes and noticed they were 1037.. yea, don't think the word limit will be a problem. Now all I have to do is sort them up, find some extra background info and references... if any I think I might have troubles staying within the wordlimit.
tv, warmth.. comfy..
this can only mean one thing: I'm sleeping in the living room tonight.
Stupid as I am, at times, I've kept my bedroom door open all day long -making my room possibly the coldest it has ever been. Not ok. However.. whilst watching tv I realized something; why don't I just sleep in here tonight? and tomorrow I'll make sure to turn heating on and door closed.
Plan. + my internet has gone from barely existing to full on non existing i the last 3 days so at least in here I can watch tv online as well. Sweet.
And who said uni life was tough?
"personal ad" (sound better then "the lonely hearts column")
(yea it has gone that far.... well not really, but I'm out of things to write about that hasn't got anything to do with pole, library, football or golf..or food)
I've had a thought. How do you find a nice guy that you find attractive (being general since as we say smaken är som baken in sweden, we all like different things), that your friends adore and that adores you back in return in this "whole on the map" town? This goes for guys as well of course.. where can we all meet up and just find eachother? Because right now I am starting to lose faith in this town that I'll ever find a guy that I fancy. And -nice thing to add- most of my friends hasn't a)slept with b)made out with.
I'd love to find someone sort of outside the group of people I hang out with.. mainly because if it would fuck up... it would fuck it up really bad, and I can't have that in my life right now.
sigh. Why does it feel like the bitches and douches always end up with the best people all the time? I think it's our -the mediocre- people's turn to find someone good enough to stand by ourside.
So yea. I want a good enough guy that won't be a prick to me nor my friends. That lets me know that he cares and is proud to be by my side. it's not really an awful lot to ask for? I'm not expecting you to be mel gribson in braveheart. though a kilt would be considered a plus if you're scottish. And I have a funny thing about age... has to be over 20 at least, otherwise I'd feel too old. but yea. that would be about it...
anyone who knows anyone who fits the profile?
'tis done!
after considering changing my degree since.. ehm march? I finally went to my adviser today and sorted it out! I shall opefully now leave this place with a joint MA in Art Histroy and Management.
JOY! and no I have not intended to change it again... (not that I think anyone ever does..?)
Oh well As I said JOY. so all I can say sarcasticly with a suitable hand gesture (not the middle finger, I have more class then that thank you very much) "peace SD, peace"
.. I just look so good studying "chemistry".
.. I think we can all agree that my chemistry face reveals two things: I should NOT change my degree into it and What I do when my flatmates leave me alone in the livingroom. I also think I might have "" the wrong thing in the headline. But eh. Ones again. Look at photo, is there really any hope left for me?
food.
I've realized that the past couple of days my eating has been... well, not too good I'd say. lots of sandwiches. So I've decided I shall try to get some sort of food planing going on. Also to make sure I don't throw away so much.
But after yesterdays "smörgåstårta" (yes, I made my very own swedish traditional sandwich cake. Filled with shrimps and smoked salmon.. nomnom)
So today shall be tortilla day with meat and bean tortillas, tomorrow will be chili con carne with the rest of the beans.. And since tuesdays are my busy day: left overs. Wednesday I'll be going out for dinner most likely. Thursday I will defenitley have to use up the rest of my fish! So fish pasta? Then halloween weekend is upon me and I hope I can have pancakes or something equally delicious for breakfast ;)
I love cooking! I love eating
Crystal Fighters - At Home
it's a bit pop, a bit indie and a bit.. well folk. Obviously I love it
Remember how I said that comes one day babyHow I said I come around to see you one day
I said I tried to find the way to run away I get away some day
When it comes one day baby
I gonna fly around the world to you and said
I gonna fly around the world to try to find you again and said
I never thought I'll see you again
I never thought I get to be with my best friend
I never thought I've got to tell you again
I never thought I've got to tell you I lost my mind again
I left alone
I left the world I was running
to be by your side
I was dying along by your side
I was flying
I came alone
I come alone with, to get here
To lifts up foot off my feet
At home they mean nothing to me
lalalala... yeah yeah
Remember everywhere that you think it's in this place
Take a place if you find a place to take
Take away the way you want to walk away
Make a way with my mind, my mind it's away
Wake me up for a moment from the paradise
Lift me off the ground and take me to the garden of paradise
Remember everywhere that you think it's in this place
Take a place if you find a place to take
And if you don't have anything nice to say
You can tell it while it takes it to your brain
Wake me up for a moment from the paradise
Lift me off the ground and take me to the garden of paradise
Having a "what degree should I be doing" dilemma.
Sitting in the library, all cozed up.. reading my Art History stuff.. and just looking at these fantastic paintings. And all I can think of is: WHY DO I HAVE TO DO SD!?? Art histroy makes me care, it makes me study and most importantly it makes me feel something towards the subject. SD gives me non of that.. I don't like it, which means I don't care, which means I don't put any effort in... evidentially: I feel nothing towards SD more then complete and utter indifference.
Oh well.. I hate that I will be forced to make a decision this winter to which one I should stay in. Because honours are coming up, and I will have to make a decision of what degree I want to do.
I basically just wish life was easier.
But LOOK at this!! My favourite painting right now with out a single doubt. Is illustrates Saturn eating one of his sons, after learning that the only way he will die is if he is killed by one of his own sons. ANd this painting, like many of Goya's darker paintings that he draw at the end of his life when he was suffereing from mental illness, shows the dark ways and horrors of superstition. So much anxiety in one painting. (And like a lot of people.. things that makes us feel awkward fasinates us)
yea.. I love it basically.
Goya - Saturn Devouring His Childen (1820)
I am officially ending the blog break
pretty sure it didn't even last as long as my natural dry spells. but oh well.
What Can I say, I feel stronger, more confident and more determind then ever. I have spent the night surrounded by people that has just picked me up to where I started and beyond. I am forever greatful.
I just thought that these amazing people (I do really hope you all know who you are) deserve to be the reason this blog break is over. It will still be lacking in everyday emotions... but ;) When events like these happen.. I just can't keep quiet. I have redeemed my hope in humanity. I love you guys.. endlessly.
